humor101conjuros

101 SPELLS NOT WORTH MEMORIZING
originally compiled by
Bill Garrett and Nushae Siobhan Fahey
295 additions compiled by
Joel Hahn

Thanks to all who contributed: Nathan Amed, Paul Brinkley, Jay Cherry, Jonathan Coolidge, Ian Crowther, Joe Delisle, Nushae Siobhan Fahey, Curtis Frye, Bill Garrett, Joel Hahn, Larry Keber, John Kochmar, Tim Larson, Jonathan Sivier, Brian Snoddy, Stefan Thieme, and many, many others.

More can be found by reading the Cylindrical Scrolls, printed in Dragon Magazine a while back. (Copyright law prevents their inclusion here.)

Michael P. Duff, Jr. <duff@mcs.com>

A

B

1 Acid Trip

2 Affect Abnormal Fires

3 Affect Normal Foyers

4 Air Breathing (land-dwellers only)

5 Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air)

6 Airy Air

7 Alamir's Freeway Breakdown

8 Alamir's Fundamental Theorem

9 Algorhythm I-III (sp?)

10 Anger God

11 Animate Bread

12 Anti-Anti-Magic Shell (Pro-Magic Shell?)

13 Anti-Magic Eggshell

14 Anti-Magic Magic Missle

15 Anti-Magic Magic Mouth

16 Antipathy Orb

17 Audible Hammer (of the M.C. variety)

18 Auditable Glamour

19 Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii

20 Bad Lighting

21 Badly Programmed Illusion

22 Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)

23 Bigby's Assertive Finger

24 Bigby's Clenched Teeth

25 Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand

26 Bigby's Glove (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus)

27 Bigby's Groping Hand

28 Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand

29 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)

30 Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand

31 Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands

32 Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand

33 Black & White Spray

34 Blind Self

35 Bold Monster

36 Bookworm Blast

37 Break-Wind Wall

38 Break the Wind

39 Bubbling Rainstorm

40 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch)

C

D

41 Can Trip (And does!)

42 Change Elf

43 Charm Dead

44 Charm Friends

45 Charm Groupie

46 Charm Potted Plants

47 Charm Self

48 Charm Undead (X rated version)

49 Cheeseball

50 Circling the Square (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen)

51 Clause of the Lawyer

52 Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)

53 Clone Undead

54 Clown

55 Color Safe Spray

56 Compulsive Disorder

57 Cone of Bubbles

58 Conjure Emmenthaler

59 Contact This Plane

60 Continual Bad Lighting

61 Continual Right (a political spell)

62 Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only)

63 Control Feather

64 Copyright Shroud

65 Crass Suggestion

66 Create Coat Hanger

67 Cure Animal Hide

68 Cure Light Winds

69 Cure Smoked Ham

70 Cure STD

71 Current Life

72 Cylons, 10' Radius

73 Cymbal

74 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm)

75 Darkness, 15 micron radius

76 Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight)

77 Deathwish

78 Deeppocket Lint

79 Delayed Blast Cantrip

80 Delayed Blast Flatulence

81 Delayed Blast Spitball

82 Demand Blindness

83 Demi-Shadow Puppets

84 Deny Reality

85 Detect Crying

86 Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)

87 Detect Detect Spells

88 Detect Hound

89 Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')

90 Detect Pervert

91 Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits

92 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself)

93 Detect Strikes and Spares

94 Detect Tragic (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!)

95 Detect Unseen Butler

96 Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that)

97 Detect Weevil

98 Detect Wind

99 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...)

100 Dimension Doorknob

101 Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians

102 Dispurse Self

103 Doug

104 Doug's Generic Spell

105 Drain Vaccuum

106 Draw Upon Religious Right

107 Drawmij's Court Summons

108 Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix

109 Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)

110 Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...)

E

F

111 Earthly Chorus

112 Enchanted Toothpick

113 Enlightening Bolt

114 Enrage Dragon

115 ESPN

116 Ethertalk

117 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0)

118 Evard's Black Testicles

119 Evard's Blue Testicles

120 Explosive Familiar (it's *your* familiar)

121 Explosive Friends

122 Extension Cord I, II, and III

123 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds)

124 Face Grasp

125 Fear of Sunmotes

126 Feather Brain

127 Feather Flail

128 Feign Life (as if the caster has one)

129 Feign Orgasm

130 Find Acquaintance

131 Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face)

132 Find Hand

133 Finger of Near-Fatal Injury

134 Finger of Plead

135 Fire Alarm

136 Fire Rap

137 Fire Stick

138 Fireball (reversed)

139 Fiscal Projection

140 Fist of Flesh

141 Fleshskin (range: self)

142 Fool's Lead

143 Foresee Unseen Butler

144 Forget Spells (area: self)

145 Forehead

146 Foreskin

147 Fourier's Transformation

148 Furball

149 Furry Fire

G

H

150 Gaze at Reflection

151 Geese

152 Get Flu

153 Get Life

154 Glassteal (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant)

155 Globe of Vulnerability

156 Grate

157 Graze reflection (if someone hurts your knee)

158 Guess Alignment

159 Hair Extension I, II, III

160 Hallucinatory Escape

161 Hallucinatory Train

162 Hand of Skin

163 Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg)

164 Heal Monster (only works on opponents during combat)

165 Heel

166 Hold Bladder

167 Hold Mustard

168 Hold Self

169 Hornung's Gas

170 Hornung's Police Dispatcher

171 Housefly

172 Hug Self

I

K

173 Illusion Debugger (for Badly Programmed Illusions)

174 Illusionary Crypt

175 Iggy's Invisible Illusion

176 Illegal Thoughts (That serving wench looks older than 18)

177 Implosive Runes

178 Impress Plants

179 Improper Suggestion

180 Indirection (address register postincrement)

181 Indivisibility (The caster is a prime number)

182 Insect Plague, 5' Radius

183 Integrate (reversible, Differentiate)

184 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects

185 Invisibility to Dead

186 Invisible Talker

187 Irritate Self

188 Kender Summoning I, II, III

189 Kitchen Sink

190 Knock Knock

191 Know Own Alignment

192 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...)

193 Kooshball

L

M

194 Legend Bore

195 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix

196 Leomund's Condemned Shelter

197 Leomund's Grass Hut

198 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter

199 Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter

200 Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity

201 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box

202 Leomund's Tap

203 Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter

204 Level Water

205 Lightning Blot

206 Limited Dish (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off)

207 Limited Wash

208 Locate Right Hand

209 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location)

210 Locate Tongue (requires verbal component)

211 Locate Wizard (the _nearest_ wizard)

212 Lorloveim's Shady Deal

213 Lose Familiar (Get lost, ya wee booger!)

214 Lower Cholesterol Level

215 Lower Inhibitions

216 Maggot Missile

217 Magic Boomeranging Missile

218 Magic Gristle

219 Magic Missal (A really boring prayersheet)

220 Magic Moth

221 Magic Orifice

222 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar)

223 Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...")

224 Maize

225 Matrix Addition

226 Mauve Earth

227 Meld, Canasta Version

228 Melf's Acid Bow

229 Melf's Acid Trip

230 Melf's Minute Rice

231 Melodramatic Phantom Defenders

232 Memorize Spell

233 Meteor Swan

234 Micrometeorite Storm

235 Mildly Surprising Grasp

236 Minor Delousing

237 Mistaken Identify

238 Mistaken Thought (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore)

239 Moaning Spirit

240 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound

241 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)

242 Mordenkainen's Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled)

243 Mordenkainen's Bored Cat

244 Mordenkainen's Celery

245 Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?)

246 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito

247 Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction

248 Mordenkainen's Lubrication

249 Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter

250 Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife

251 Move Venus

252 Muenster Summoning I-VII

253 Murder Darkness

254 Murdoch's Featherless Fryer (Verbal component: "Butterball")

255 Murdock's Feathery Pillow

N

O

256 Nahal's Banana Peel (appears under random ally's foot)

257 No Time

258 No Vacancy

259 Nystul's Undetectible Aura

260 Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere

261 Otiluke's Resilient Ear

262 Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere

263 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck

264 Otto's Resistable Dance

P

R

265 Paraphrase Magic

266 Part Hair

267 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level Drow spell)

268 Penultimate Fall

269 Phantasmal Fork

270 Phantasmal Morse

271 Phantasmal Thriller

272 Plane XOR

273 Polymorph Mother

274 Power Word Missing

275 Power Word, NO!

276 Power Word, Noogie

277 Power Word, Puke

278 Power Word, Pun

279 Power Word, Smirk

280 Power Word, Spam

281 Power Word, Wedgie

282 Protection from Catnips

283 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius

284 Protection from Evil Kenevil (sp?)

285 Protection from Halitosis

286 Protection from Normal Air

287 Protection from Normal Missals

288 Protection from Normal Oxygen

289 Protection from Normal Pillows

290 Protection from Self

291 Protection from Weevil

292 Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)

293 Purge Memory

294 Putrefy Offal

295 Rainbow Enhancer

296 Random Casualty

297 Rary's Mnemonic Cancer (eats away at those favorite spells)

298 Rary's Mnemonic Device (makes silly acronyms out of things)

299 Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self)

300 Read Common

301 Rectum of Retention

302 Reincarnation Door

303 Remove Hand (yours)

304 Remove Minus Sign (reversible)

305 Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!")

306 Remove Reality

307 Remove Self

308 Remove Strong Language

309 Reservation

310 Rest Erection

311 Resurrect Living

312 Resurrect Self (problem: must be alive to cast the spell)

313 Reverse Graffiti

314 Rice Storm

315 Rock Summoning I

S

T

316 Sepia Cake Sigil

317 Serten's Smell Immunity

318 Sheepskin

319 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)

320 Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius

321 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer)

322 SmorgasMorph

323 Soap-on-a-Rope Trick

324 Solid Frog

325 Speak With Boring Monsters

326 Speak With Dead Plants

327 Speak With Grateful Dead

328 Speak With Living (components: two tin cans and a string)

329 Speak WIth Mud

330 Speak With Self

331 Sucker (for those of you who actually cast the spell)

332 Summon Allergy

333 Summon Death (Death arrives and kills the caster)

334 Summon Self

335 Swift Envelope

336 Tape Mount

337 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter

338 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder

339 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter (a.k.a. 'Sela')

340 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls

341 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence

342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture

343 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand

344 Tax Avoidance

345 Taunt a Second Time

346 Teleport Environment

347 Teleport With Lots of Errors

348 Teleport Without Destination

349 Teleport Without Terror

350 Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk

351 Tenser's Floating Point

352 Tenser's Formatted Disk

353 Tenser's Gloating Disk

354 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)

355 Tenser's Slipped Disk

356 Tenser's Deadly Resurrection

357 Tensor Transformations

358 This Space for Rent (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory)

359 Time Start

360 Tonguetwister Change

361 Tons

362 Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust (priest spell)

363 Transmute Friends to Enemies

364 Transmute Head to Butt

365 Transmute RGB to HSV

366 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)

367 Transmute Rock to Jazz

368 Trap the Sole (see Limited Dish)

369 Turn Friends Into Enemies

370 Turn Pebble (rotation, not banishment)

U

V

371 Undefined Symbol

372 Unenlightening Bolt

373 Unheard Servant

374 Unscented Cloud

375 Unseen Manservant

376 Unseen Pervert

377 Unseen Sympathy

378 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls)

379 Vampiric Crutch

380 Varnish

381 Visible Stalker

W

Y-Z

382 Walk

383 Wall of Dog

384 Wall of Horse

385 Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer

386 Wall of Normal Air

387 Wall of Paper

388 Wall of Velcro

389 Waste

390 Wink

391 Wizard Eyebrow

392 Wizard Lick

393 Wizard Nostril

394 Wizard Stain

395 You Wish!

396 ZX-Spectral Force

A		B
1 Acid Trip 2 Affect Abnormal Fires 3 Affect Normal Foyers 4 Air Breathing (land-dwellers only) 5 Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air) 6 Airy Air 7 Alamir's Freeway Breakdown 8 Alamir's Fundamental Theorem 9 Algorhythm I-III (sp?) 10 Anger God 11 Animate Bread 12 Anti-Anti-Magic Shell (Pro-Magic Shell?) 13 Anti-Magic Eggshell 14 Anti-Magic Magic Missle 15 Anti-Magic Magic Mouth 16 Antipathy Orb 17 Audible Hammer (of the M.C. variety) 18 Auditable Glamour 19 Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii		20 Bad Lighting 21 Badly Programmed Illusion 22 Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self) 23 Bigby's Assertive Finger 24 Bigby's Clenched Teeth 25 Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand 26 Bigby's Glove (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus) 27 Bigby's Groping Hand 28 Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand 29 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent) 30 Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand 31 Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands 32 Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand 33 Black & White Spray 34 Blind Self 35 Bold Monster 36 Bookworm Blast 37 Break-Wind Wall 38 Break the Wind 39 Bubbling Rainstorm 40 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch)
C		D
41 Can Trip (And does!) 42 Change Elf 43 Charm Dead 44 Charm Friends 45 Charm Groupie 46 Charm Potted Plants 47 Charm Self 48 Charm Undead (X rated version) 49 Cheeseball 50 Circling the Square (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen) 51 Clause of the Lawyer 52 Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence) 53 Clone Undead 54 Clown 55 Color Safe Spray 56 Compulsive Disorder 57 Cone of Bubbles 58 Conjure Emmenthaler 59 Contact This Plane 60 Continual Bad Lighting 61 Continual Right (a political spell) 62 Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only) 63 Control Feather 64 Copyright Shroud 65 Crass Suggestion 66 Create Coat Hanger 67 Cure Animal Hide 68 Cure Light Winds 69 Cure Smoked Ham 70 Cure STD 71 Current Life 72 Cylons, 10' Radius 73 Cymbal		74 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm) 75 Darkness, 15 micron radius 76 Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight) 77 Deathwish 78 Deeppocket Lint 79 Delayed Blast Cantrip 80 Delayed Blast Flatulence 81 Delayed Blast Spitball 82 Demand Blindness 83 Demi-Shadow Puppets 84 Deny Reality 85 Detect Crying 86 Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...) 87 Detect Detect Spells 88 Detect Hound 89 Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5') 90 Detect Pervert 91 Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits 92 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself) 93 Detect Strikes and Spares 94 Detect Tragic (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!) 95 Detect Unseen Butler 96 Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that) 97 Detect Weevil 98 Detect Wind 99 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...) 100 Dimension Doorknob 101 Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians 102 Dispurse Self 103 Doug 104 Doug's Generic Spell 105 Drain Vaccuum 106 Draw Upon Religious Right 107 Drawmij's Court Summons 108 Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix 109 Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup) 110 Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...)
E		F
111 Earthly Chorus 112 Enchanted Toothpick 113 Enlightening Bolt 114 Enrage Dragon 115 ESPN 116 Ethertalk 117 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0) 118 Evard's Black Testicles 119 Evard's Blue Testicles 120 Explosive Familiar (it's your familiar) 121 Explosive Friends 122 Extension Cord I, II, and III 123 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds)		124 Face Grasp 125 Fear of Sunmotes 126 Feather Brain 127 Feather Flail 128 Feign Life (as if the caster has one) 129 Feign Orgasm 130 Find Acquaintance 131 Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face) 132 Find Hand 133 Finger of Near-Fatal Injury 134 Finger of Plead 135 Fire Alarm 136 Fire Rap 137 Fire Stick 138 Fireball (reversed) 139 Fiscal Projection 140 Fist of Flesh 141 Fleshskin (range: self) 142 Fool's Lead 143 Foresee Unseen Butler 144 Forget Spells (area: self) 145 Forehead 146 Foreskin 147 Fourier's Transformation 148 Furball 149 Furry Fire
G		H
150 Gaze at Reflection 151 Geese 152 Get Flu 153 Get Life 154 Glassteal (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant) 155 Globe of Vulnerability 156 Grate 157 Graze reflection (if someone hurts your knee) 158 Guess Alignment		159 Hair Extension I, II, III 160 Hallucinatory Escape 161 Hallucinatory Train 162 Hand of Skin 163 Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg) 164 Heal Monster (only works on opponents during combat) 165 Heel 166 Hold Bladder 167 Hold Mustard 168 Hold Self 169 Hornung's Gas 170 Hornung's Police Dispatcher 171 Housefly 172 Hug Self
I		K
173 Illusion Debugger (for Badly Programmed Illusions) 174 Illusionary Crypt 175 Iggy's Invisible Illusion 176 Illegal Thoughts (That serving wench looks older than 18) 177 Implosive Runes 178 Impress Plants 179 Improper Suggestion 180 Indirection (address register postincrement) 181 Indivisibility (The caster is a prime number) 182 Insect Plague, 5' Radius 183 Integrate (reversible, Differentiate) 184 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects 185 Invisibility to Dead 186 Invisible Talker 187 Irritate Self		188 Kender Summoning I, II, III 189 Kitchen Sink 190 Knock Knock 191 Know Own Alignment 192 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...) 193 Kooshball
L		M
194 Legend Bore 195 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix 196 Leomund's Condemned Shelter 197 Leomund's Grass Hut 198 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter 199 Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter 200 Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity 201 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box 202 Leomund's Tap 203 Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter 204 Level Water 205 Lightning Blot 206 Limited Dish (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off) 207 Limited Wash 208 Locate Right Hand 209 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location) 210 Locate Tongue (requires verbal component) 211 Locate Wizard (the _nearest_ wizard) 212 Lorloveim's Shady Deal 213 Lose Familiar (Get lost, ya wee booger!) 214 Lower Cholesterol Level 215 Lower Inhibitions		216 Maggot Missile 217 Magic Boomeranging Missile 218 Magic Gristle 219 Magic Missal (A really boring prayersheet) 220 Magic Moth 221 Magic Orifice 222 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar) 223 Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...") 224 Maize 225 Matrix Addition 226 Mauve Earth 227 Meld, Canasta Version 228 Melf's Acid Bow 229 Melf's Acid Trip 230 Melf's Minute Rice 231 Melodramatic Phantom Defenders 232 Memorize Spell 233 Meteor Swan 234 Micrometeorite Storm 235 Mildly Surprising Grasp 236 Minor Delousing 237 Mistaken Identify 238 Mistaken Thought (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore) 239 Moaning Spirit 240 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound 241 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg) 242 Mordenkainen's Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled) 243 Mordenkainen's Bored Cat 244 Mordenkainen's Celery 245 Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?) 246 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito 247 Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction 248 Mordenkainen's Lubrication 249 Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter 250 Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife 251 Move Venus 252 Muenster Summoning I-VII 253 Murder Darkness 254 Murdoch's Featherless Fryer (Verbal component: "Butterball") 255 Murdock's Feathery Pillow
N		O
256 Nahal's Banana Peel (appears under random ally's foot) 257 No Time 258 No Vacancy 259 Nystul's Undetectible Aura		260 Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere 261 Otiluke's Resilient Ear 262 Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere 263 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck 264 Otto's Resistable Dance
P		R
265 Paraphrase Magic 266 Part Hair 267 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level Drow spell) 268 Penultimate Fall 269 Phantasmal Fork 270 Phantasmal Morse 271 Phantasmal Thriller 272 Plane XOR 273 Polymorph Mother 274 Power Word Missing 275 Power Word, NO! 276 Power Word, Noogie 277 Power Word, Puke 278 Power Word, Pun 279 Power Word, Smirk 280 Power Word, Spam 281 Power Word, Wedgie 282 Protection from Catnips 283 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius 284 Protection from Evil Kenevil (sp?) 285 Protection from Halitosis 286 Protection from Normal Air 287 Protection from Normal Missals 288 Protection from Normal Oxygen 289 Protection from Normal Pillows 290 Protection from Self 291 Protection from Weevil 292 Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?) 293 Purge Memory 294 Putrefy Offal		295 Rainbow Enhancer 296 Random Casualty 297 Rary's Mnemonic Cancer (eats away at those favorite spells) 298 Rary's Mnemonic Device (makes silly acronyms out of things) 299 Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self) 300 Read Common 301 Rectum of Retention 302 Reincarnation Door 303 Remove Hand (yours) 304 Remove Minus Sign (reversible) 305 Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!") 306 Remove Reality 307 Remove Self 308 Remove Strong Language 309 Reservation 310 Rest Erection 311 Resurrect Living 312 Resurrect Self (problem: must be alive to cast the spell) 313 Reverse Graffiti 314 Rice Storm 315 Rock Summoning I
S		T
316 Sepia Cake Sigil 317 Serten's Smell Immunity 318 Sheepskin 319 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion) 320 Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius 321 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer) 322 SmorgasMorph 323 Soap-on-a-Rope Trick 324 Solid Frog 325 Speak With Boring Monsters 326 Speak With Dead Plants 327 Speak With Grateful Dead 328 Speak With Living (components: two tin cans and a string) 329 Speak WIth Mud 330 Speak With Self 331 Sucker (for those of you who actually cast the spell) 332 Summon Allergy 333 Summon Death (Death arrives and kills the caster) 334 Summon Self 335 Swift Envelope		336 Tape Mount 337 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter 338 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder 339 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter (a.k.a. 'Sela') 340 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls 341 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence 342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture 343 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand 344 Tax Avoidance 345 Taunt a Second Time 346 Teleport Environment 347 Teleport With Lots of Errors 348 Teleport Without Destination 349 Teleport Without Terror 350 Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk 351 Tenser's Floating Point 352 Tenser's Formatted Disk 353 Tenser's Gloating Disk 354 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!) 355 Tenser's Slipped Disk 356 Tenser's Deadly Resurrection 357 Tensor Transformations 358 This Space for Rent (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory) 359 Time Start 360 Tonguetwister Change 361 Tons 362 Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust (priest spell) 363 Transmute Friends to Enemies 364 Transmute Head to Butt 365 Transmute RGB to HSV 366 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible) 367 Transmute Rock to Jazz 368 Trap the Sole (see Limited Dish) 369 Turn Friends Into Enemies 370 Turn Pebble (rotation, not banishment)
U		V
371 Undefined Symbol 372 Unenlightening Bolt 373 Unheard Servant 374 Unscented Cloud 375 Unseen Manservant 376 Unseen Pervert 377 Unseen Sympathy		378 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls) 379 Vampiric Crutch 380 Varnish 381 Visible Stalker
W		Y-Z
382 Walk 383 Wall of Dog 384 Wall of Horse 385 Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer 386 Wall of Normal Air 387 Wall of Paper 388 Wall of Velcro 389 Waste 390 Wink 391 Wizard Eyebrow 392 Wizard Lick 393 Wizard Nostril 394 Wizard Stain		395 You Wish! 396 ZX-Spectral Force